What You Can't Forget
by xXxAngelDestined2FallxXx
Summary: When Bella gets raped at a party at the Cullens house, Edward blames himself. Bella can't handle the reality and slips into a silent world of her own. A world where nobody can seem to reach her to pull her back. As Bella tries to find her voice again, the Cullens are hesitant to help, in fear that they might make it worse. Can she be saved? Rape, Self harm, Attempted suicide! R
1. Chapter 1

Bella's POV

"Really, Alice?" I asked, looking down at the scented, blue, frilly invitation in my hands. "A party?"

"Yup," she said, nodding. "I've wanted to have one for a while. I was just waiting for the right occasion."

I sighed. "So what _is_ the occasion?"

"I got tired of waiting," she answered shrugging.

It was Friday and me and Alice were sitting on the porch outside the cafeteria. The rest of her family were hunting until tonight and school had just ended. I had just found out about a party that Alice was hosting tomorrow night and I was resisting the urge to throw up. She knew how much I hated parties.

"You'll be there, right?" she asked hopefully.

"I don't know, Alice," I said softly, fingering one of the ribbons on the paper. "You know how I feel about parties…"

As I trailed off I heard her groan. "I wasn't asking you, Bella. I was telling you. You _will_ be there. End of discussion."

I sighed and nodded, knowing that if I started an argument I'd only end up losing. I might as well give in and save myself the fuss and drama.

"As long as Edward's there so I don't get bored…or have to socialize." Edward had a knack for being intimidating.

"Great! See you there!" she said as I retreated to my truck to go home.

I didn't know why I had decided to go home so early. Charlie wasn't going to be here this entire weekend, away on police business, and so I had no-one to cook for. But I was tired and needed a hot bath. That always seemed to calm me down these days.

The drive was painfully long and as the water ran in the bath I drew a little in my notepad. Another thing that I'd started enjoying. I never really knew how well I could draw…well, sketch. As it turns out I'm pretty good at it.  
Edward didn't know. Nobody did. And that was fine, considering the only things I usually sketch are my thoughts or feelings. And some were kind of embarrassing.

I put down the pad and turned off the water, getting into the bath slowly. The water was steaming hot, but that's how I liked it. it relaxes me. I sighed.  
I loved this.  
Just me, alone, in a bath.  
It was soothing.  
I mean, don't get me wrong. I love Edward and Charlie and Alice and everyone, but sometimes I just like to be alone. Who doesn't?  
It gives me space to think. Mainly about things I couldn't think about with anyone else.

I know what you're thinking. It's your thoughts…why would you be afraid to think in front of people? It's not like they can hear me.  
Well, Edward always wants to know what I'm thinking since he can't read my mind. It's sweet but…some things should just be kept to yourself.  
Charlie is a great dad but things get kind of awkward between us when I open up to him.  
And Alice is so chirpy I can barely get a word in. Which is fine with me.

I smiled and let myself sink deeper into the water. I'd been in here for almost half an hour and the water was beginning to get cold.  
Then, as if on cue, I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Bella," I heard Edward say from behind the door, "are you alright in there?"

I groaned and got out of the bath, covering myself with a towel. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I've been here for twenty minutes and I haven't heard a sound from you. I got concerned."

I opened the door swiftly and smiled when I saw him leaning against the doorframe.

"Concerned?" I asked, pulling him into a hug.

"Yes. When you didn't come out after the first fifteen minutes I started worrying that you'd drowned."

I giggled. "Well, as you can see, I'm as alive as ever."

"Yes," he said, nodding. "And I cannot begin to tell you how happy that makes me."

I smiled as he lowered his lips to mine softly.  
We stood in one another's arms for a minute then I released him and started walking towards my room, realizing that I was still naked.  
Edward followed me into the room but stood with his back to the doorway while I changed. I wouldn't have been comfortable with anyone else doing this but I trusted Edward. With all my heart.

"I'm done," I said once I was fully dressed in my boxer shorts and tube top. It was a hot night.

"Great," he said, lying on the bed.

I giggled as he patted the spot next to him, gesturing for me to join him. I shook my head and picked the towel up from where it lay on the floor.

"I have to put this back in the bath-"

Before I could finish my sentence, the towel was out of my hands and a slight breeze took over the room. Not even a second later, he was standing in front of me, the towel most likely placed back on the rail perfectly, and pulled me onto the bed with him.  
I landed on top of him, laughing so hard I couldn't breathe. And I felt the familiar vibrations of his chest tickling me, causing me to laugh even harder.

Once we had both calmed down and were snuggled up together under the covers, I decided to bring up the party.

"So, I'm assuming you know about Alice's little get-together tomorrow night," I started.

He chuckled. "Yes. And am I wrong in assuming that I would be escorting you?" he asked, playing with my hair.

I groaned. "Do we have to go? I mean, we could just stay home and do more of this," I said, turning around and gently pecking him on the lips.

"As much as I like this, and believe me I do," he said, "Alice made me promise to bring you."

I groaned before I could help myself and I heard him chuckle.

"Don't worry," he said, nuzzling into my neck. "It won't be so bad, trust me."

"I do," I responded quickly, "with all my heart."

And after sharing one last kiss, I yawned and snuggled into his chest and fell asleep, dreading the following night. But knowing that it will be alright as long as Edward never left my side.


	2. Chapter 2

Bella's POV

I woke up the next morning to find that Edward was not with me in the bed, but a note lay in his place. I gently picked it up and opened it. I let my eyes travel across the page before I started reading:

**My dearest Bella,  
I'm so terribly sorry that I had to leave so early this morning but I had to help Alice decorate for tonight.  
You were sleeping so soundly that I couldn't bear to wake you. But don't worry. You will see me later tonight.  
I cannot tell you how much I love you. Be safe. Take care of yourself. And I will see you soon.  
Ever mine  
Ever thine  
Ever ours.  
Love, Edward.**

I smiled at the page and traced my fingers gently over the beautiful, perfect script. He had the most beautiful handwriting I'd ever seen. I read over the last few lines, which wuoted and old poet from the 1800's.  
Ever mine, ever thine, ever ours.  
I smiled again. He was just so sweet, it was unbelievable. I keep thinking that this is all a dream, my entire life, including Edward. I keep expecting to wake up one day in my old bed in Arizona, everything forgotten.  
And so each morning I wake up and realise it's not a dream, I'm shocked.

I sighed and decided to get up. I looked over at the clock and groaned. 6:45am. Well, there was no way I was going to get back to sleep now. I forced myself out of the bed and out from under the warm blankets, and picked up the note gingerly. I walked over to my drawers and opened the bottom one, where I kept all the previous notes from Edward. I don't know why I collected them. I guess it's because if he's ever out of town or gone hunting, I have a piece of him to tell me he loves me.

By the time I was finished showering and changed into a black shirt, jeans and ballet pumps it was just before 8:00am, so I skipped downstairs to prepare some cereal for myself.  
Once I was settled in my chair with a small bowl of Cheerios in front of me, I became bored. It was funny, but I always seemed to get bored without Edward, especially when I had nothing to really think about.  
Or when I didn't really want to give my mind the chance to think about anything, like the party.  
I was dreading it, to be honest.  
And the only thing that comforted me was the thought that Edward would be there. At least I wouldn't be forced to stand there by myself. I mean, I knew Alice would be there but she was most likely going to be all over the place, chatting to people and socialising.  
And that wasn't really my thing.

After I'd finished my breakfast and washed the dishes, I thought about what to do while I waited for Edward to call me, asking me if I was alright as he always did.  
After careful consideration, I decided that it wouldn't be too bad to pay Jacob a visit.  
But before I got into my truck, I hesitated. Edward wasn't exactly on the best terms with Jake right now, and going there without Edward's knowledge might not have been the best idea. But I hadn't seen Jake in so long…  
And Edward was most likely very busy considering he hadn't called or texted me yet. I was sure he wouldn't be too mad.

I jumped into my truck and drove as fast as my truck could go. Which wasn't much, to be honest. But it did get me across the treaty line without a call from an angry Edward or concerned Alice.

Once I was parked safely in Jakes yard, I switched my phone off, just in case Edward decided to check in. I didn't know why I felt so nervous. It's not like I was doing anything wrong. But I knew the Cullens wouldn't approve, and that made me feel like a juvenile, for some reason.

"Hey, Bells!" I heard Jake yell cheerily. I looked up and saw him jogging towards my truck. "Long time, no see. I was beginning to think you were hiding from me," he said, opening the car door for me.

"Sorry about that," I said jumping out, "but I'm here now."

He nodded and pulled me into an enormous bear-hug, squeezing the air right out of me.

"Can't…breathe…Jake!" I wheezed out.

He laughed and let me go. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, still holding onto my arms as if he was afraid I would float away.

We just stood there for a few minutes, just happy to see each-other after such a long time. But eventually we walked down to the beach and sat on a rock, just watching the waves hit the shore.

"So," I started. "How's life been on your side of the treaty-line?"

He laughed. "Oh, you know. Boring as hell. What about you?"

"Same old, same old," I said shrugging.

He nodded. "And how's Cullen?"

"He's good," I didn't like where the conversation was headed so I decided to change the subject. "What's new with the pack? Anything interesting happen since I was last here?"

"No, not really," he answered turning to me. "Everything's pretty much normal around here. Things have been kind of tired without you."

I smiled at him and looked down, trying to hide my blush.

"If only Cullen would let you come here more often. What is with him anyway? It should be your choice where you want to be. He needs to stop treating you like his pet!" The bitterness was back in his voice and I sighed.

A long silence followed and I was afraid of things getting awkward between us again. He was my best friend. I didn't want anything getting in the way of that. Especially petty arguments about my boyfriend.

"So," I said softly, "Alice is hosting a party tonight…" I trailed off.

"What else is new?" he answered, sarcastically.

"Yeah…do you think you might want to come?"

He looked up at me in shock, and then a huge smile spread across his face, causing me to smile with him.

"Gee, Bells," he said. "You don't think that's the worst idea known to man?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "I'm asking because I know Edward won't be able to stay with me the _entire _night. Even I would get tired of me."

He patted me on the back with such force that I had to grad the edge of the rock to keep myself from being pelted off. I don't think Jake realised how strong he is.

"Tell you what," he said, scrunching up his face, "I will come tonight. Just to annoy the bloodsuckers."

I groaned. He knew I hated it when he called them that. I looked out at the ocean and breathed in a lung full of the fresh and salty air of the seaside. It was refreshing. I closed my eyes and took in another deep breath.  
Only then did it hit me just how long I've been there.

I quickly looked down at my watch and gasped when I saw the time. 4:12pm. Had I really been here that long?

"Shit," I cursed under my breath. Edward must be worried sick!

"What's wrong?" Jacob asked, getting up and following me as I rushed down the beach.

"I have to go!" I said loudly without pausing.

As soon as I reached my truck I turned around and saw Jacob with his brow furrowed in a confused way.

"I'm sorry," I said, pulling him into a gently hug. "But I didn't realise how long I had been here. I promised Alice I'd be there at 5:30 to get the last details sorted out, or something like that, anyway. Will I see you later?"

He nodded into my hair. "Yeah, you'll see me."

He kissed me gently on the cheek before I got into the truck. Not in a romantic way, but a friendly way. It was strangely comforting.

"Later, Bella!" he yelled as I drove away.

I waved and sighed, going home to get ready for the party. I couldn't help but shiver at the thought. While I sat at a traffic light, I switched on my phone and gasped. 37 missed calls and 18 texts. Damn.

As I neared my house I saw an oh-so-familiar silver Volvo in the driveway. I groaned as I parked the truck, and sat in my truck for a minute longer than I should have, preparing for the wrath of Edward. But before I went inside, I flipped through the texts.

_Just checking to see if you're alright. I miss you so much – Edward_

_Bella, where are you? Please text me back – Edward_

_Bella, I'm starting to worry. I've called you almost 12 times. Text me back – Edward_

_Bella, I'm serious. If you don't contact me within the next 15 minutes I will hunt you down – Edward_

_You are going to cause me an aneurysm if you don't text or call me soon – Edward_

_Answer your phone, Bella – Edward_

_This isn't funny anymore – Edward _

_I'm on my way to your house – Edward_

_Okay Bella, I'm really starting worry about you. Where are you? – Edward_

_Hey, Bella. I tried calling you but something must be wrong with your phone. I wanted to remind you about the party tonight. I have your outfit ready and set out. Please be here by 5:30 or sooner. See you soon – Alice_

_Bella if you don't respond soon I will have to go looking for you – Edward_

_Isabella Marie Swan, are you trying to give me a heart attack? Where are you? Who are you with? – Edward_

_Damn it, Bella! I'm begging you – Edward_

_If you're ignoring me for whatever reason, would you at least ease my anxiety by letting me know that you're alright? – Edward_

_Bella, Edward is worried about you. Where are you? Get back to me – Alice_

_Are you okay? I know your battery didn't die because I took the liberty of plugging your phone in for you before you fell asleep last night – Edward_

_Bella, I'm so close to assuming that something bad has happened to you. I broke into your house and couldn't find your phone anywhere so I know you have it with you. Call me or text me. I just want to know if you're okay – Edward_

_Hi Bells. You okay? My brother is worried sick. Please call – Emmett_

Just then another text message came in. I opened it.

_Bella, I know you're sitting in your truck outside. You might as well just come in, or I will come out to fetch you. We need to talk – Edward_

We need to talk? That sounds bad.  
I closed my phone and, sighing, walked to the house, holding my breath as I opened the door.  
There he was. Standing right behind the door. I sighed and opened my mouth to start explaining myself, when he pulled me into the tightest hug I think he would dare.

"Oh, thank God you're okay!" he whispered into my hair.

I smiled and hugged him back. We stood in that position for a while, until he finally loosened his grip and held me an arm's length away, analysing me thoroughly.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt? What happened?"

I almost laughed at his exaggerating. "I'm fine. My phone was switched off. I'm sorry."

He pulled me back into a hug. "Don't you EVER scare me like that again! Do you hear me?"

I nodded and breathed in his unique scent, just glad to be with him again.  
Then he seemed to stiffen and he let me go, looking at my face.

"You smell like a dog, Bella," he said, scrunching up his nose.

I sighed and shrugged off my jacket. "Yes. I was with Jake."

He inhaled deeply before shaking his head disapprovingly. "Bella, you know how I feel about you running off there without my knowledge…"

I groaned. "He's my friend Edward. And it's been so long since I saw him."

"That's not the point. We had an agreement that I would drive you to and from the treaty line when you wish to see the dog. What's more, you didn't call or text me to let me know you were okay. I swear I would have broken the treaty just to check on you. You disobeyed me-"

"_Disobeyed _you?" I snapped, suddenly remembering Jake's remark of Edward treating me like a pet. "What am I, your girlfriend or your pet?"

"Bella," he started, taking my hand. I pulled away. "I love you so much, it would kill me if he hurt you. You've seen what they can do in one of their, for lack of a better word, fits. I would never forgive myself if I let that happen to you."

I sighed and decided not to drag this painful argument out anymore. I didn't want to fight. But I couldn't help but feel a pang of anger at Edward's words. I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes and took a deep, shaky breath, determined not to let him see how much the feud between the two most important people in my life hurt me.

"Oh, Bella, Love, please don't cry," I heard him say.

That's when I lost it. I broke down in uncontrollable sobs. I couldn't wipe my tears away fast enough so I just gave up and cried.  
Edward took me by the hand and led me to the couch in the lounge and pulled me into his arms, making shushing noises trying to soothe me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said, rocking us back and forth. "I don't want to hurt you, not at all."

I nodded, unable to respond. We sat for a good 10 minutes on that couch, until I looked at the clock. 5:17pm. I sighed.

"We'd better get going."

Edward looked down at me and seemed to process that for a minute.

"Are you sure you want to go?" he asked.

"Yes," I said, attempting a smile. "After all, you did promise Alice I'd be there."

He chuckled. "That's right. I did."

He leant down and kissed me on the lips gently. It wasn't a deep kiss, just enough to show how much he cared about me. Then he used his thumb to wipe away a tear that slid down my cheek.

"I love you," he said, placing a feather-light kiss on my forehead. "Don't ever doubt that."

I nodded and we both got up to go to the party, which suddenly seemed much worse than it probably was.

When we got to the Cullens mansion there was no-one there. I got out and gasped at the outrageous amount of decorations that covered the house.

"Where is everyone?" I asked Edward as we walked through the door.

"The party only starts at 6:00, Bella. It's only 5:45. But people should be arriving soon."

I nodded and looked around at the beautiful work of Edward and Alice. "This place is beautiful."

"Never underestimate a Cullen," I heard a chirpy Alice say as she danced over to us. "I'm so glad you came! For a second there I saw you reconsidering."

I laughed and hugged her tightly. Once we were done embracing, Alice started looking panicked.

"We have to get you dressed! Your outfit's upstairs!" She turned to Edward. "You, stay! Let's go, Bella!"

I gave Edward the what-are-you-gonna-do look and followed Alice up the staircase, where I would dress into God-knows-what to wear to the party. I mean, I trusted Alice's fashion knowledge, but I just hoped I wouldn't end up wearing something too flashy.  
Oh, well. The things I did to make her happy.  
And upon seeing the outfit she had chosen, I couldn't help but smile.

**X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X**

**A/N ****Please R&R! :D**


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